Foregoing Events of Day in Brief

I woke this morning, in my bed nestled in my sheets, at 5:19 ante meridiem, partly due to the noise being made of my rather eccentric neighbour, and partly because I needed to go to the toilet. I peered out of my window and saw that he [the neighbour] was stark naked, wearing nothing at all, besides from a sailor’s cap, thongs, and to complement his attire, he was holding an umbrella, which was, quite fortunately, covering his private parts. He was shouting to some extent, "I am the velvet fog and shall blossom on the morrow and venture through sanity…" I, of course was completely bewildered and hoodwinked by said actions; thought the apocalypse had arrived and hence said to the man who referred to himself as the velvet fog, or my rather unconventional neighbour, "Oh, what gobbledygook, surely you jest Mr Velvet Fog? It must be pure repartee, and not, in point of fact, realistic what you said are about to undertake?" I then, as I believed it was the apocalypse, proceeded to the kitchen and put a paper bag over my head, thinking that a paper bag might provide some protection from the apocalypse. "I wash my hands of this foolish affair." I said while having the bag over my head.

I suddenly remembered, 'it was a Sunday', meaning it was a day before Monday. Which meant nothing in it self, however, because I had a paper bag on my head, I could pretend to be anything, anything at all, anything imaginable. And as it was the apocalypse, or as I thought it was the apocalypse, I pretended to be Batman. I decided to be Batman for two rather unrelated, strange reasons. The first being, only a superhero could survive an apocalypse, or so popular culture has led me to believe, and secondly, because I had just seen the film The Dark Knight a few days prior, which I must say was first class, so Batman was fresh in my mindless mind. With my new found imaginary superpowers, I ran out into the front yard, but since I still had a paper bag over my head, covering my eyes, I ran into a jacaranda and fell over. I got up quickly, took of the paper bag and saw that the postman, who had been delivering the mail, was at the letterbox staring at me. I went over to the letterbox, collected the mail and said to the postman, "Do you know who I am, Mr…" I looked at his name tag which stated: Warren, "…Mr Warren. Do you. I am Batman." The postman looked at me (I was still in my pyjamas), and said "Hello Batman, do you know that you are bleeding from your head?" I said no and thank you, and with that the confused postman was off in his motorbike, continuing his job of delivering mail. I went back inside, and put a bandaid on the cut the postman had so kindly pointed out to me, and, being bored of being Batman, I went back to sleep, sleeping until late afternoon.